Gettin' in with the inked crowd

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

As I was watching a basketball game the other evening I noticed how most of the basketball players had tattoos. And these weren't just any tattoos either. One had a tattoo that went from his neck down to, well, I couldn't see where it went down to but you get my meaning.

Anyway it got me thinking that maybe I need a tattoo. My wife has always wanted one and apparently it's the cool thing to do now. Everywhere I go I see people with tattoos. All of your sports idols, movie stars and models all have to have them so apparently I haven't been hip to the trend.

I have never really thought about getting a tattoo before. When I was growing up you really didn't want to be like the kids who had tattoos. Their tattoos were like a badge that said "don't mess with me, because when I drop out of school I'm going to become a biker."

And women certainly didn't get tattoos, but now the hottest women on the planet have tattoos (other than my wife, of course). Jessica Alba has a couple of tattoos, Jessica Biel has a tattoo while Alyssa Milano and Drew Barrymore have multiple tattoos.

I decided to ask around and some people said they actually feel sexier and more attractive with tattoos. Some said they felt a little rebellious. Well, I have the sexy attractiveness covered but I guess I could be a little more rebellious. Maybe it is time I got "inked."

Keeping in mind that a tattoo lasts forever, I decided to research and see what design would be the best for me. One Web site I visited said that butterflies are the most popular. Somehow I think even at 32 I would get beaten up daily if I got a tattoo of a butterfly, so I think I'll pass.

Another popular design is tribal art. The only problem is I'm not in a tribe and I don't know how to get in a tribe so I guess that is out. A dragon is another popular design but somehow a dragon just isn't what I'm about. I guess I could get my wife's named tattooed on my body, but when I asked her to have my name engraved in her flesh she rudely says "Not in a million years." She would rather have a butterfly like everybody else.

What I really need is something that sums me up. You know, good looking, funny, athletic with a touch of boyish charm. I wonder if anyone can draw a smartass?

Well, maybe before I decide what to get I need to decide where I want it. The arm is the most popular but as I have written before, my arms are like noodles. You could tattoo a design all the way across my arm and still need a strong pair of glasses to see it. Another popular spot is on the lower back but the only people I see with those tattoos are girls who enjoy showing their tattoos off along with their butt cracks. And for some reason I never seem to notice the tattoos on these people.

I could get one on my chest, but nobody needs to be punished that bad and I need to get the tattoo where everybody can see it. I don't understand these people who get a tattoo on their butt or other places where it isn't visible. What is the point of having a tattoo if you aren't going to show it off. I mean how would people know you are cool?

I guess I could get a tattoo on my leg. I wear shorts a lot and I've got great legs so it would give me an opportunity to show them off more. Or maybe I should just get a tattoo on my neck. It would be visible most of the time but I could cover it up with a collar if I had to cover it up for something like a job interview.

Before I decided on the location though I checked to see what the pain factor is when getting the tattoo. I mean I've never had ink injected into my skin before so I asked one of my friends with a tattoo. He said it was similar to a bee sting. Well, that could be a problem. I'm allergic to bee stings not to mention they hurt. I actually saw somebody get tattooed once and he was near tears, not to mention he was a much tougher guy than me.

Well, I guess I have some decisions to make. What tattoo can I get to show how unique I am without feeling any pain? Maybe I'll just not get a tattoo and since I'll be one of the few without one it will be unique. Or maybe I'll just tell people I've got a dragon tattooed on my butt. You'll never know.

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