Cell phone manners matter

I love cell phones because at any time of the day or night I can be reached. I also hate cell phones for the same reason.

While cell phones are great and all, I wish some people would observe some etiquette when using a cell phone. So, never fear, David is here with some suggestions that will make everyone's cell phone experience better.

First, choose your ring carefully. Personalized ring tones are the rage and I have no problem hearing the Notre Dame fight song or Homer Simpson's "D'oh" when your phone is ringing. I will say though that if your cell phone goes off more than five times in an hour please don't have a personalized ring. I really don't need to be singing "Tryin' to Catch Me Ridin' Dirty" for the next week because I've heard it on your cell phone 100 times.

Cell phone owners also have to remember that there is a vibrate button and it should be used whenever you're in, say, a movie theater. Nothing bothers me more than watching Superman kicking butt one minute and then being interrupted by some buffoon who gets a call on their cell phone the next. And we all know that the buffoon can never answer the phone on the first ring. No, we get 10 minutes of "Tryin' to Catch Me Ridin' Dirty" while he fumbles with the phone, drops it and then tries to find it stuck to the sticky movie theater floors. What could be so important as to interrupt "Superman" I don't know.

Once you answer the phone, please remember not to yell. Just because they can't hear you because of a bad connection doesn't mean you have to scream louder. If it worked that way we wouldn't need cell phones, we could just scream at the top of our lungs when we wanted to talk to somebody in a different area code.

And the rest of the world doesn't need to know your business either. If you are in a public place like a restaurant, keep it short and don't embarrass yourself. I'm real glad you love your little "pokey wokey" but I don't need to hear that, especially when I'm eating.

But the thing that bugs me more than anything is those who drive while talking on the cell phone. There are two types of cell-phone-talking drivers. The first become "grannies." While talking on their cell phone they slow down to about 20 miles per hour while swerving all over the road. Now, I can't get around "granny" until they get off the phone and that makes David a very unhappy driver.

On the other hand there are the "teens" as I call them. They are the drivers that pay no attention to anything while talking on their cell phone. If you are walking across the street or on the sidewalk or in another vehicle beware because a "teen" has no idea you are there.

Well, I have more etiquette suggestions but my phone keeps ringing. I'm glad people never get tired of hearing "I'm Too Sexy" when my cell phone rings.