Discipline and Guidance in Early Childhood

If asked which works better, discipline and guidance or punishment for misbehavior, what would you chose? And by better I don't just mean which initially gets the desired results, but also what is developmentally appropriate? Because, after all, it's not about initially is it? It's about lifelong learning.

First, let's look at what it means to punish. Punishment is an infliction of suffering of some type for a crime or bad behavior committed. This typically holds a negative connotation to it.

Next, discipline is a model of training or teaching in order to follow the rules.

Last, guidance is assisting children in learning from their mistakes, or mistaken behavior, and teaching them how to problem solve for themselves.

Guidance uses positive discipline techniques. Yes. Positive discipline. The D word does not have to be negative. Some of these are intrinsic motivation, positive reinforcement, and redirection.

Very young children are just beginning to learn skills such as self control and emotional regulation; skills that take a long time to master. How many adults do you know that have those two skills down? Yet, so many adults forget that the art of teaching children these skills is an ongoing process. They cannot be learned overnight nor instantly retrieved from one day to the next without guidance from an adult. Often children are expected to remember that they shouldn't act out in an undesired manner because they've already been told once or twice. Then, when they forget, they are punished. Sometimes physically, sometimes they are yelled at or belittled, we take their candy and rewards away, or tell them they are being bad.

We need to first understand how very young children develop and learn before we break out the punishment tactics which may do more harm than good.

To understand this we must begin by examining the particular age of a child and what stage of development characterizes his/her age group. Of course, also to be considered are the unique characteristics of the individual child. We all learn differently because we all come from varied experiences and have needs separate from one another. Therefore, we may have a structured routine of teaching, but we must also remember to teach the child as a whole not just a concept or task.

By understanding this, we can truly start to work with children based on a foundation of what is developmentally appropriate.

For example, a three year old is just beginning to learn the skills of emotional regulation and self control and, in addition, has a very short attention span. So, to insist that he be quiet and sit still for, say, 30 minutes would be expecting too much of that child.

Children are not born knowing how to behave. They must be taught everyday by example, by repetition, and by the guidance and support of caring parents and teachers. We do this by using conscious discipline, positive reinforcement and intrinsic motivation. For example, "I like the way you are coloring inside the lines. You are working hard." This encourages the child to do the best job he can, color without scribbling, and shows him that you've noticed his work. This encourages motivation and learning with both the task at hand and in good behavior. Giving children the words they need to solve their own problems also helps them learn emotional regulation and self control, and gives them confidence. For example, "I see that you knocked Lucy's blocks down. Let's look at her face. Does she look happy or sad?" The child answers. You look to Lucy. "Lucy, did it make you feel happy or sad when Paul knocked your blocks down?" She answers. "Tell Paul: 'Paul, it makes me sad when you knock my blocks down. Will you please help me pick them up so we can both play?'" Paul sees that Lucy is sad, Paul reflects that image, Paul helps pick up the blocks, and they both play. Even if it doesn't work out the way you want it to the first time, this does work with repetition and the children feel good about themselves for making friends and solving their own problems.

Furthermore, children are not the miniature adults they are treated like. Yelling at a child for interrupting story time to tell you he has a pet dog will not teach him to be quiet, listen, and not interrupt. Sure, he may be quiet for a few minutes because he was yelled at by the big person, but I guarantee he'll have the same problem again. This is because children see the world in pictures. If little Johnny suddenly gets the image of his pet dog in his head, he's happy and wants to tell someone. You snap at him for sharing and all he feels is sad. He learns that you are mad because he wanted to tell you about his dog. Simple as that. That is how children think. Just like giving him a piece of candy or a toy for doing what he's told or for completing his work only teaches him to expect to be rewarded for every task in his future.

Developmentally appropriate practice teaches us to teach our children to solve their own problems, one step at a time by talking it through or by redirecting the child to a different, safe task. It also teaches that children need a safe place to stop, take a deep breath, and relax. This calms them when they are really mad or upset and can prevent hurtful situations. By implementing these techniques, we teach our very young children skills they will need to succeed as they learn and grow; skills we need and use as adults. Instant punishments teach children to not get caught, that it's OK to yell and hit, and the concepts of taking away and tangible rewards.

The practices of many early childhood educators, child development specialists, and associations such as the National Association for The Education of Young Children stand firm on the evidence-based results of constructive guidance and positive discipline. What do you think?