SIKESTON -- Unrealistic expectations and overcommercialization as well as increased demands of shopping, parties, family reunions and houseguests during the holidays can all contribute to feelings of tension and stress during what is supposed to be a time of joy.
But there are ways to make time with family a little more meaningful and tolerable this year, local experts say.
"Just prepare yourself beforehand and tell yourself this is for a short time and things can get back to normal," recommended community counselor Terri Leible. "Don't ruminate on it -- just prepare yourself."
Be sure expectations are realistic and that goals are manageable, advised Taryn LeGrand-Lovett, clinical director of Bootheel Counseling Services in Sikeston.
"Many stress factors have to do with the pressure we put on ourselves to have the 'perfect' Christmas or the 'perfect' family get-together," noted LeGrand-Lovett.
When a family comes together for the holidays, some members simply don't get along with each other for a variety of reasons.
To avoid ruining a family gathering, Dr. Jim Wasner, dean of the Illinois School of Professional Psychology at Argosy University/Schaumburg, suggested that you think of holiday visits more like a special ritual, such as a wedding or birthday party.
"It's fine to be on your best behavior and not deal with hurt or grudges because of the special event," Wasner said. "If you are not on the best terms with a relative and feel like you need to talk to them about it, I recommend you do it one-on-one before the holiday visit, either on the phone, by mail or for shorter visits."
If that is not possible, there is nothing wrong with setting limits on the time that you spend with that relative, Wasner said.
LeGrand-Lovett suggested allowing family members to assist with preparation and clean-up activities because spreading some of the work eases the load for one person. When family members will be staying for an extended period of time, plan some activities or time for family members or yourself out of the home, such as going to the movie, running errands, etc., she advised.
"Many people experience sad or depressed feelings over the loss of a loved one, particularly if this is the first Christmas since the loved one's death. It can be helpful to talk about these feelings with someone you trust," LeGrand-Lovett said.
Other family members are probably having similar feelings as well, and focusing on positive and funny memories of lost loved ones can help ease what can be a difficult time, LeGrand-Lovett explained.
Another factor that can cause holiday depression is memories of past holidays.
LeGrand-Lovett said: "For instance, you fondly remember the wonderful Christmas dinners from your childhood with the whole family together, laughing and enjoying the time together, and you feel you can never measure up to the memories.
"You must remember that times are different. The people who surround you are different, and you need to adjust appropriately."
Although many people become depressed during the holiday season, even more respond to the excessive stress and anxiety once the holidays have passed, LeGrand-Lovett noted. This post holiday letdown can be the result of emotional disappointments experienced during the preceding months, as well as the physical reactions caused by excessive fatigue and stress, she said.
Another common holiday "problem" is not being able to make it to every family function for the holidays.
"Coordinating schedules can be difficult and families can feel they are "missing" out if they cannot be with the rest when all the other family members are going to be there," LeGrand-Lovett pointed out.
Setting the date for the family Christmas celebration months in advance can really help this situation, LeGrand-Lovett suggested. Some families keep their celebrations on the same day every year such as Christmas Eve or Christmas day or the Saturday before Christmas, etc. And some families celebrate their Christmas holiday during another time of the year, she added.
"Communication is the key -- to everything. If you communicate to others, it saves hurt feelings and it saves you from suffering a lot of stress," said Leible, who works with the Wellness Center in Sikeston.
Don't set expectations so high they're not realistic, Leible reminded.
"Every family is individualized and does their own thing and makes their own traditions," Leible noted. "They should celebrate how they want to spend the holiday -- not how the media says -- and do whatever works for them."
ARA Content contributed to this story.