Mother Russia wants more moms to be

The Russians have a problem. Ok, so the Russians probably have lots of problems but the one that has gained attention is their declining birth rate. And that has Russian officials concerned.

So to combat this dwindling population, the Russians today (at this very moment in fact) are trying to solve that problem. Today is "Conception Day" in Russia and the entire population is being urged to do their part to increase the Russian population.

Here's how it works - the day, not the process. Today is exactly nine months away from the Russian Constitution Day (our Fourth of July) and the Russian government officials have promised prizes for women who give birth on that special holiday. And these are no paltry prizes. Automobiles, televisions, etc. all can go to the lucky women who give birth on Constitution Day. So to start the process, the government is urging businesses to allow their female workers off today to "be" with their family.

The Russians are serious about this population decline. The government is furiously building new kindergarten classes to prepare for what they hope will be a population boom in the near future.

The situation is so dire in the USSR that none other than President Vladimir Putin is calling on the Russian people to "fix" the population slump. He's calling it a national priority. And when Putin speaks, the Russian people perform.

Sure, there are dissenters. One spokesman said the government was putting too much pressure on the Russian people to conceive today. But generally speaking, the Russians appear ready to do their part to grow the country. My what we do for our country!

Come to find out, this frisky movement is nothing new. In times past, Russian women could be designated "Hero Mothers" for having especially large families. And the awarding of prizes for having children on special holidays apparently dates far back in Russian history.

While most industrialized countries are actually trying to control their population to spare precious natural resources, the Russians are going in the opposite direction. But if the Russians hope to keep pace with their neighbor China, they'll have to designate much more than one day as "Conception Day." Either way, the Russians have their work cut out for them. I'm surprised that former President Bill Clinton didn't think of this. It would seem right down his alley.