Let's keep our cool on global warming

I have to be honest. I couldn't care less if Britney tattoos her face like Mike Tyson. She is unimportant in my life. And the final resting place of Anna Nicole Smith is none of my business. I am equally sickened by the crying judge craving attention in her case. Who really cares?

And I think the whole global warming industry is a bunch of baloney. Al Gore should put his theories about global warming back into his famous lockbox and try shutting his mouth for a change.

Why can the American public find fascination with Britney and Anna Nicole but have less than a clue on the issues of illegal immigration, Medicaid spending or the countless other items that are truly important? In short, we are our own worst enemy and our grandchildren and their children will likely pay for our current apathy.

I don't know if global warming is fact or fiction. What I do know is that the United States can legislate until we're blue in the face and it will have little impact. Until China and India quit emitting toxins by the megatons, the issue of global warming is just pure politics. We can spend ourselves entirely green and the billions of Chinese and Indians can undo what little good we accomplish in no time at all.

But the global warming alarmists are creating a cottage industry with their hysteria. A new survey out this week in England says that half of young children there actually lose sleep thinking about global warming. If you believe this "survey" I have a bridge for sale. But a gullible public will surely embrace this "sleepless" survey as fact. How in the world can we be this naive?

Not to be outdone, an Australian firm - appropriately named East Being Green - has developed a device that will mitigate your cat's flatulent contribution to global warming for only $6. Now just think about that for a moment. Your cat's gastric issues may be contributing to global warming but for only $6, this firm will clear your conscience. How nice!

Here's how the bureaucrats are solving the issue of global warming. We know the Chinese in particular won't do one thing for the environment unless they are paid. So the developed nations - notably good ol' USA - are actually paying the Chinese to reduce harmful emissions into the environment. Trouble is, the problem is so great in China that the money is only a drop in the environmental bucket. That country, for example, produces massive amounts of hydrofluorocarbon-23 to make our refrigeration and Teflon products. And one ton of that nasty chemical is equal to 11,700 tons of carbon dioxide emissions. I don't mean to teach a science lesson here but the scope of the problem is just beyond our imagination.

Maybe I'm all wet on the subject of global warming. Maybe the ice caps will someday melt and New York and Los Angeles will sink into the ocean. And maybe that's not necessarily a bad concept.

One final note on the "survey" that says our children are spending sleepless nights worrying about global warming. That same survey asked the kids about recycling. A significant number of those children said that recycling had something to do with riding their bicycles. So much for surveys!