Holy cow! Look who is the polluter now

Turns out that Al Gore is all wet when it comes to global warming. The former Vice President and would-be future President, Gore has made a career of warning the world that the automobile, factory emissions and the western lifestyle are combining to end the planet as we know it.

But the United Nations this week issued a 400-page report that specifically pinpointed what is destroying the climate, the forests and the wildlife. The culprit, it turns out, produces 18 percent of the total of greenhouse gases that cause global warming, which is more than cars, planes and all other forms of transport combined.

The culprit is the cow!

That's right. Before they become juicy hamburgers and before they supply our kids with milk, cows apparently wreak havoc on the environment.

Here's how it starts. Almost 10 percent of all carbon dioxide comes from burning fuel to produce fertilizer to grow cattle feed, to produce meat and to transport that beef. But that's just the beginning. Cattle also have a way of emitting other gases (don't ask) that account for one-third of all methane, which is 20 times more dangerous for the environment than carbon dioxide. And cows also produce more than 100 other polluting gases, including two-

thirds of all ammonia which is the primary cause of acid rain.

Then there's the feedlots that overnourish the waterways, which in turn cause weeds to choke out other life. Throw in a few pesticides, antibiotics and hormones used to treat them and virtually the entire planet is threatened by the cow. You would think Gore would have caught on by now.

You know where the largest "dead zone" is located in the oceans? Try the Gulf of Mexico where the Mississippi empties into the Gulf. All of that aforementioned cow gook makes its way down the muddy Mississippi and into the Gulf where it kills everything around apparently.

So here's the dilemma. Consumption of beef is on the increase around the world which means more cattle which means more pollution. We can quit driving cars and quit flying airplanes and throw all of the aerosol cans away. But the cow still will pollute more than mankind.

I'm sure that global warming is a potential problem. I've seen Gore's slideshow (until I fell asleep). But until we can convince a cow to stop belching and backfiring, I suspect we'll be discussing global warming until the cows come home.

Make that a large order of fries with my double-cheeseburger please.