There may be one resolution I'll keep

I hereby resolve to make not one New Year's resolution. That way, I'm assured of not breaking resolutions as I have so often in the past.

There's a new report out that says 90 percent of New Year's resolutions are abandoned or broken within three days. Leading the way - as you might expect - is the resolution to quit smoking. I don't know for sure but I would assume this resolution is often counted in hours, not days or weeks. In a close second place is the resolution to go on a diet to lose weight. A post-

midnight snack usually dooms this resolution in the early stages as well.

I have not a clue how the tradition of New Year's resolutions began. I mean it makes sense because the new year gives us all an opportunity for a fresh start. And if it helps to pick this date for some personal changes, then so be it.

Some people go so far as to make a list of resolutions and post them in some conspicuous location, like on the refrigerator. I'm not nearly that organized nor that dedicated to change perhaps. I make a mental note of some lofty goal and then subconsciously wait to see just how soon I break that personal pledge.

I recall once in college I made a New Year's resolution to vastly improve my grade point average. Take my word for it, there was room for improvement! Well sure enough, I stuck to my resolution by applying myself more to classwork and less to extra-curricular activities. The resolution stuck through the semester but alas, apparently no one told my professors because the grade point average remained in limbo.

Maybe I should try the old standby - I resolve to be a better person - because that way, I can determine for myself if I broke the resolution.

Don't misunderstand. I have ample room for improvement in my life and I could make a fistful of resolutions that have great merit. But unless you really mean to keep them, then why even make the effort?

Having said all of that, I have indeed decided to make some resolutions that I know I can accomplish.

I hereby resolve to pay much less attention to Rosie O'Donnell because she is an obnoxious waste of human flesh who has long outlived her 15 minutes of fame.

I hereby resolve to pay even less attention to Paris Hilton, Tom Cruise, Britney Spears and a whole array of Hollywood elite because they bring nothing to my life and even less to society.

I hereby resolve to ask O.J. Simpson if he is still tirelessly searching for his wife's killer like he promised.

And finally, I resolve to be a better person. Can't lose with that one!