Former KFVS12 reporter talks about recovery from eating disorder

CAPE GIRARDEAU, Mo. -- Theater and dietetics student Holly Brantley, 37, has lived for 10 years with anorexia, an eating disorder that nearly took her life.

"I picked the eating disorder over everything, until I had to choose between it and my life," she said.

Brantley graduated from the University of Missouri-Columbia with a degree in journalism and interdisciplinary studies and began working as a reporter for KFVS12 in 2002.

In 2004, Brantley was engaged to a body builder. Her then-fiancé taught her about the kind of fitness and food that would lead to a healthier lifestyle.

What once was a healthy diet and exercise routine, however, soon became all-consuming.

As her relationship began to deteriorate, Brantley said she threw herself into work and fitness until she became engulfed in her eating disorder.

"I couldn't control the bad parts of my relationship," Brantley said, "but I could control my food."

Brantley said the next several years could only be described as "food hell."

Each day was planned to the minute to distract herself from her hunger. She would chew gum or candy constantly and took frequent naps, all as a means of distraction.

"Although eating is put on the back burner, that's all a person can think about because they are literally starving to death," Dr. Utahna Hancock, a therapist at the Dale & Hancock Center in Cape Girardeau, said.

While it played a role in her disorder, Brantley said it wasn't just about the food or body image for her. It also was about control, anxiety and fear.

Brantley often would go the entire day without food and wait until she was alone at night before she let herself eat.

She then would welcome sleep as a relief from thinking about food if even for a few hours.

Brantley said she lived in a state of denial and micromanaged her day to avoid food for the next several years.

If she could not avoid eating food at a family function, Brantley said she would spend the next several days trying to make up for her mistake.

She filled her time with work before returning to school to get another degree in theater from Southeast Missouri State University.

It was not until a year ago when Brantley, at 5-foot-1, dropped to 69.5 pounds, had to be hospitalized and was attached to a heart monitor that things became clear for her.

After spending almost three months in an eating disorder clinic in New York, Brantley said she finally was ready to choose her life over her disorder.

After her stay at the clinic, Brantley arrived back home and sought a team of people to support her journey to recovery. Brantley said her recovery would be impossible without her support system, her therapist, her nutritionist and, most importantly, her faith in God.

"I can finally say the hell is over," she said. "That doesn't mean I don't have to work hard at recovery. I am a work in progress."

Some of the symptoms displayed by a person with an eating disorder can include anxiety, rigid or ritualistic behavior, seeking isolation or constant planning, Hancock said.

If family and friends believe someone they know is struggling with an eating disorder, one of the best things they can do is listen and be there.

Brantley is passionate about telling her story because she wants anyone with an eating disorder to know recovery is possible.

"It doesn't matter how bad you think it is," Brantley said. "You can always find the way out."

Anyone struggling with an eating disorder can call the help line at (800) 931-2237 or visit www.nedawareness.org/get-help.