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Single Scott County foster parent gains family in the process
In 2017, when she was just 26 years old, Leah Uhrhan decided to begin the process of becoming a licensed foster parent.
“I had four bedrooms to myself. It was just me and my dogs,” Uhrhan said.
At the time, she worked at a child care center where some foster children also attended.
“Foster parenting is something I kind of always thought about doing,” she said. “When I had a kiddo in my class in foster care, it opened that door more.”
Uhrhan talked to that child’s foster parents who told her foster parenting classes start next week if interested. Uhrhan decided to take the classes, and her journey as a foster parent began.
“I was 26, single and wanting to help kids in need of a safe place as long as they needed,” she said.
Being a foster parent includes working the biological parents and offering support, she said.
“Some parents have no one rooting for them so I wanted to be that person,” Uhrhan said.
In Missouri, foster parents are required to take 30-plus hours of training every two years to maintain their license. Of those 30 hours, 14 can be earned through trainings not held in person.
“The training was in-person which I really liked,” Uhrhan said, adding it was nice to be able to meet other foster parents and connect with them.
In addition, foster parents become CPR-certified in the process, Uhrhan said, noting that the trainings are free. When applying to be a foster parent, individuals fill out paperwork, and they can choose which age range or gender they’re comfortable and willing to take in, she said.
National Foster Care Month was officially celebrated last month, but foster care is an issue that needs awareness year-round.
“Foster parents provide the security, safety and stability that children entering care so desperately need,” said Robert Knodell, director of Department of Social Services.
More than 14,000 children and youth are in Missouri foster care. Foster parents can also be an important support to the child’s parents when family reunification is the goal, he said.
Since becoming a foster parent, Uhrhan said she’s had a total of nine children in and out of her home. Some children have left and returned; others she’s had for multiple years, she said. It always depends on the child’s circumstances.
Many foster children have experienced trauma, and their foster parents need to be flexible and prepared to support them, Uhrhan said.
“Being in therapy and counseling is important and advocating for these kids,” Uhrhan said. “They’ve had great attorneys and others in the system and some of them still never lay eyes on the kids and are advocating for the kids’ best interests.”
When it’s safe and possible, having good relationships with the biological parents is helpful, Uhrhan said.
“I have great relationships with them,” Uhrhan said. “I am always thinking about the main goal of fostering is re-unification with those parents. It’s always the goal at the beginning. It doesn’t always happen and as a foster parent, you have to think – if they do go back, I can still be in their lives and have some relationship with them.”
Uhrhan, who has a master’s degree in child development, said she’s also read several books to help her be a better foster parent.
Since becoming a foster parent, Uhrhan also had the opportunity to adopt two of those children, and she and her husband are in the process of gain guardianship of another child.
“The three we have; these were all gifts,” Uhrhan said.
When she became a foster parent, Uhrhan said she had no intention of adopting.
“I just thought I have the room and the time and I was at the place in my life were I could help children in need,” she recalled.
But things changed, she said.
“This is just my calling and what I was supposed to do. It’s a crazy roller coster ride but everything has always come into place and where it’s supposed to be,” Uhrhan said.
Also not in her plans at first was finding a husband, Uhrhan said.
“I was single; obviously dating was put on the back burner and wasn’t my priority,” Uhrhan said. The kids were my priority. I wasn’t looking for anyone when my husband and I started dating, but we’ve known each other for years and grew up together.”
When she and her now-husband, Austin, started dating three years ago, Uhrhan said she had to make sure he was on board with her being a foster parent.
“He told me one thing that was attractive about me was that I was a foster parent and he saw how caring I was and thought that I would be a great mother,” Uhrhan said.
Uhrhan said she had also joined some single foster parent groups on Facebook.
“Being a single foster parent is a whole different ballgame,” she said. “A lot of women on there say that if you foster, no guy will want to date you. I feel like that makes me know that anyone who is gonna step is the right person for me because he’s taking on more knowing that I am a foster parent. If it scares off some of them, it’s not meant to be.”
Uhrhan said she and her husband are still foster parents, but she isn’t sure for how much longer.
“These three have lots of needs, and I don’t want to take away from their needs,” Uhrhan said.
She does, however, encourage others who can and are interested to become foster parents.
There is always a need for more foster families in Missouri, especially for older youth or sibling groups, the Department of Social Services said. When a community has more foster families, it means it is more likely a child can remain close to the life, community, school, friends and people they know and be matched with a family that can best serve the child’s needs.
According to the Department of Social Services, individuals could potentially become a foster parent if they are at least 21 years of age; complete a child abuse/neglect check and criminal record check including fingerprints; are in good health, both physically and mentally; have a stable income; are willing to participate in and complete a free training and assessment process; are willing to voice perspectives and concerns as part of a professional team; and are willing to partner with the child’s family.
Uhrhan said she often hears people say they don’t want to foster children because they’re afraid of getting too attached to them and then it will be hard when they go back to their families.
“If you’re getting too attached, then you’re doing it right, Uhrhan said. “… Way more people are capable and have means to be foster parents but the fear of becoming attached to the children overpowers their decision of jumping in and doing the hard work. I knew that going into it and that I could have to say bye to them some day.
She continued: “Being there for them overcomes being heartbroken in the end. I wish more people — knowing it’s going to be hard and that they could get their hearts broken — would become foster parents. Being there for the kids overcomes having to say goodbye.”
Uhrhan said there are also resources for helping foster children and foster parents, such as free clothing closets that have clothes, shoes, car seats, beds, diapers, wipes, baby gear and school supplies for children in care. There are locations in Cape Girardeau and Poplar Bluff.
Foster children also receive clothing vouchers every 6-13 months that can be used at specific stores, such as Once Upon a Child, and foster children qualify for free daycare at approved state-licensed facilities. The children also automatically qualify for WIC if they are under 5 years old.
Foster parenting is hard, but the children are worth it, Uhrhan said.
“No matter how hard it is, the kids are always worth it,” she said. “No matter what.”
To learn about more about foster care or ways to help area kids and families, visit the DSS website and follow them onFacebook and Twitter. If unable to become a foster parent, there are many other ways to help children living with foster families