Survival and hope: Suicide attempt survivor Kevin Hines tells his story to community

SIKESTON — At just 19 years old, Kevin Hines leapt off the Golden Gate Bridge to commit suicide and immediately regretted his decision.

Fortunately for Hines, the fall didn’t kill him and with the help of a bystander who called the Coast Guard and a sea lion, he survived. Now Hines has dedicated his life to suicide prevention.

On Tuesday night, Hines told his story to over 100 people at the Sikeston Field House. Earlier in the day he spoke to Sikeston R-6 teachers and he spoke to R-6 students on Wednesday morning.

Hines detailed his life from being born to destitute parents and being put into foster care where his brother died next to his side, to his adoption to his decision to take his own life.

Hines is one of only 39 survivors who have jumped off the bridge in the 87 years it has been open, as 99.9% of the people who jump have died.

Still even after he lived through his attempt, he still battles thoughts of suicide.

“For the last 22 years since that attempt, I’ve lived with chronic thoughts of suicide,” Hines said. “They’ve plagued me. But I’ve never attempted again.”

Beginning at his birth, Hines faced struggles. His birth parents neglected he and his brother, Jordache, who was 10-months older, because of drugs. They lived in a “crack motel” and were fed just Kool-Aid, Coca-Cola and sour milk, before being placed into foster care.

Bouncing around to different foster homes, Jordache died of severe bronchitis next to his brother, who was also ill.

“I was mentally ill from the very beginning,” Hines said.

At nine months old, Hines was adopted by Patrick and Debbie Hines and had a brother and sister who were also adopted from similar backgrounds. Hines said he and his siblings had a good life.

In his late teens, Hines was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and experienced manic highs before falling into deep depressions.

“Brain pain is 300,000 times worse than any physical pain I’ve ever experienced in my life,” he said.

That led to the day he attempted suicide, Sept. 25, 2000.

“I believed I was worthless. I felt I had no value. I thought all of my family, every one of my friends hated me and wanted me gone,” Hines said, adding it wasn’t true and that his father even asked for them to spend the day together because he knew something was wrong.

After taking the bus, Hines wandered the bridge in tears for 40 minutes, passing hundreds of people. He said if just one person asked if he was OK he would not make the attempt.

“Are you OK? Is something wrong? Can I help you?,” Hines said was all he needed to hear.

Unfortunately nobody asked, including police officers who passed him. Hines said now police are trained for suicide prevention and save between 50 and 120 lives a year.

After nobody asked, Hines decided to jump.

“The millisecond my hands left that rail and my legs cleared it, I had what’s called an instantaneous regret from my actions,” Hines said. “And the absolute recognition that I had just made the greatest mistake of my life and it was too late.”

Falling 220 feet at 80 miles per hour, for four seconds Hines said to himself he didn’t want to die, asking God to save him.

He hit the water, shattering his vertebrae and just missed severing his spinal cord by two millimeters.

Hines fell 70 feet into the water but was able to swim to the surface in one breath. A woman saw him jump and used her car phone to call the Coast Guard.

While in the water, Hines began having an asthma attack and then felt “something large and slimy” circling below him that kept nudging him to the surface. He thought it was a shark but later found out it was a sea lion.

Once he was saved, Hines made the decision to never attempt to take his life again.

But while he made the decision, the thoughts are still there.

He said he has had 10 stays in the psychiatric ward of a hospital in 14 years. The first three were forced but the last seven were voluntarily.

“I went there with a loved one and said I need to be here — or I won’t be here,” Hines said.

Hines said when he has thoughts of suicide, he does two things. The first thing is he says out loud, “My thoughts to not have to become my actions.”

The second thing he does is say to anyone who will listen, “I need help now.”

He said people need to be there for other people who need help.

“We have this notation in America, certainly around the world, that people who die by suicide are selfish. Nonsense,” Hines said. “To be selfish you have to know you’re hurting people. People who die by suicide are in such a lethal, emotional pain, they can’t even see straight. All they can see, feel, touch and know is pain. Trust me, I’ve been there.”

Hines pointed out to those in attendance his website includes many resources, including a 10-step guide for better mental health and well-being and a parent’s guide to teen suicide prevention.

Anyone having thoughts of suicide can cal the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or contact the Bootheel Counseling Services hotline at 988.