As I was reading this outstanding newspaper last week, I came upon a story headlined "Lawmaker seeks to ban sale of cold beer." Obviously my interest was piqued so I read on, learning that convenience stores in our great state of Missouri would risk losing their liquor licenses if they sold beer colder than 60 degrees if the bill proposed by an esteemed Missouri senator is passed.
Now before you get irate, let me continue on because when you read where the idea for this law came from it will get you so mad you will want to picket on the lawn of the Capital.
The idea came from a fifth-grade student in Jefferson County. That's right, your kids are no longer just playing video games. Now they are also helping to propose legislation.
And what is sad is this isn't the first time that a grade school class has proposed legislation. Just last year a fourth-grade class from Kansas City submitted a proposal to make the American bullfrog the state amphibian, a bill that passed in the final moments of the 2005 legislative session.
I'm sure next year a third-grade class will want our legislators to name to G.I. Joe as the state toy or a sixth-grade class will want to make it illegal for parents to ground their children (haven't they already outlawed spanking). Or maybe even a first-grade class will want to make Barney the official state dinosaur.
The real problem here is that some of our legislators actually are going to grade school children for ideas. It is one thing to listen to ideas from a fourth-grade class in an effort to teach them about state government but it is another to actually act on those ideas. I would think there are more serious items our legislature needs to focus its attention on than the selling of cold beer.
And what is even worse is the lawmaker who proposed the bill doesn't even sound like he thinks it is going to pass. "I thought (the bill) had the best chance at getting legislative attention. Plus, I think it's a good idea whether or not other people do," he was quoted as saying.
So, while the lawmaker doesn't really think the law will pass, he is determined to waste the taxpayers' money and lawmakers' time that could be better spent on more important issues like Medicaid. But instead you have dopes like me writing about him and his band of fifth-graders who apparently want to stick it to adults across the state.
And it isn't that I am for drinking and driving. But those who drink and drive are going to drink and drive whether this law is passed.
Do we really think that somebody goes into a convenience store, buys a six-
pack of cold beer, and heads out to their vehicle to drink the beverages while they are driving? OK, maybe some, but most take those beers to a party, picnic or, I don't know, home, where they might want a nice cold beer after work.
And if cold beers aren't available at convenience stores, won't people just go to a bar to have a nice cold one after work? Then you will have more people on the road after they have been drinking, so in a sense this law could increase the number of drunk drivers on the road.
For now our legislature will have to waste their time and taxpayers' money to listen to an insane bill suggested by a fifth-grade student who is probably still being dressed by his mother. But I have an idea.
I say if by some miracle this law passes that we as adults rise up and propose a law that all milk served in schools be served warm and ban the serving of all chocolate milk in grade schools. If kids want to play dirty, let's get dirty.