Yea, baby, I can bust-a move

When it comes to dancing, I'm like a fish out of water. At least that is what I look like. Especially when I hit the floor to do the worm. That is why I was happy to read a news article about men dancing.

Researchers recently used 3D cameras to film men dancing and then asked women to rate them in order to decide what kind of dancing women found most attractive. I'm glad they weren't researching something as trivial as cancer or Alzheimer's and instead focused on such a hard-pressing issue.

The researchers found that men who move their heads and right legs are seen as more attractive, according to the ladies. That's great, because I am always looking for ways to look like Justin Timberlake on the dance floor.

If all it takes is to move your head and right leg, I might have to make a change in my dance repertoire. My usual running man move where I look like, well, a man running in place, utilizes both legs. And the only time I move my head is when I start panting because I'm tired. But with the help of science, I am now going to do kicks with my right leg while moving my head in a circular motion. I'll call it the kung fu man. I'll make sure to bring a stick, too, to keep all the women away.

Researchers also found that a series of movements involving the neck, butt, wrist, left shoulder and right knee were the most alluring and could reveal clues to a man's fertility. I think women like fertile men so I had better come up with a move for this, too. My normal cabbage patch move, when I rotate my arms in a counterclockwise direction, may not project the right image I'm wanting.

It is tough coming up with a series of movements that involve the neck, butt, wrist, left shoulder and right knee. My favorite dance move (besides the worm, of course) is the sprinkler. I can certainly incorporate that by moving my left arm like a sprinkler and moving my wrist to the beat. I will also move my neck side to side while doing the twist standing on my left leg all while bending my right leg at the knee over and over. For good measure I will bite my lower lip and really concentrate so it looks like I'm passing a kidney stone.

If I perfect that move I might seem so fertile that women might get pregnant just by being on the same dance floor. Good thing I will have brought that stick.

The researchers also found that men that moved their arms too much were marked down by the ladies. That I will definitely remember. Instead of the dice shaker I will wow the women with the moonwalk, finished with the back spin.

With all this information, I'm definitely ready for wedding season and the receptions that follow. Because there is one thing you have to know about me: Nobody puts Jenks in the corner.