The wonders of my mind

I have often been told that I have a warped mind. I'm starting to think I agree although it didn't dawn on me until this last weekend when my wife and I made an innocent trip to the store.

First, there was the drive to the store when I saw a shoe on the side of the road. Immediately my mind went to work. How does someone lose a shoe? Are they hanging their feet out the window? And really, who doesn't notice when they lose a shoe? I notice if I have a hole in my sock so if I lost a shoe something tells me I'd know it. But I guess people are surprised when they get out of the car and realize, "I have lost my shoe. How did that happen?"

Of course, then my wife and I get to the store and go through the process of going up and down aisles to see what we may need. That brought me to another question. What happened to Preparation A to G? Did they not work? Were they addictive? These are the things I think about.

Like if four out of five people suffer from diarrhea, does the fifth one enjoy it? And really, why do they make scented toilet paper? While we are on the topic of bathrooms why do people tell you that they will be "right back?" Do they ever stay?

I walked through the school supply section and saw some glue. Immediately I wonder why glue doesn't stick to the inside of the bottle. Especially super glue. That stuff gets on my fingers and in nano seconds has me glued to whatever is nearby.

Yes, this is how my mind thinks, but believe me, it gets worse. I was outside and noticed that our trash can had a big crack in it. But how do you throw away a garbage can? I keep putting it on the curb and the trash men keep leaving it.

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face it gets mad, but when you take it on a drive with the window down the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window? And why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if after the surgery it doesn't work anymore?

I went to look up a word the other day and wondered why is the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? That'll make you think, won't it? And why do they call it a television set if you only get just one?

I came in on the end of a Superman movie recently and had a few questions about the Man of Steel, too. If Superman is so smart, why does he wear his underwear on the outside? And have you ever noticed that when people shoot guns at him he stands there and lets the bullets hit him? Yet when they throw the gun at him he ducks. It doesn't make any sense.

I was watching the Olympics the other night and saw a little Asian child. Instead of thinking what a cute kid it was I thought about how it was fed. In America, moms feed their kids with tiny spoons and forks. What do they use in Asia? Toothpicks?

And here are a few more to make you think:

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Why do they call it "chili" if its hot?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

How can bubbles scrub if they don't have hands?

And I guess the biggest question I have is when I walk outside and see the yard of the house next door that the city has condemned… when will the yard ever get mowed? Do the weeds have to reach six feet because they are well over halfway there? Oh well, just like all the questions in this column, there isn't a good answer. They are just things that wander in-and-out of my mind.