In August of 1998 I walked into the Standard Democrat office, expecting to stay a year or two before continuing my journey up the journalism ladder. But then I found a home. Now, after over 24 years, I’m leaving home, as this week is my last at the Standard Democrat...

Anger. Shock. Dismay. All those words can be used to describe the large crowd that attended Monday’s Sikeston City Council, angry about their January Sikeston BMU bills. And their anger is understandable. For years, Sikeston BMU residents enjoyed some of the lowest electric bills in the state. Those associated with BMU would boast the low prices and brag on how the rates hadn’t went up in years and years...

I’ve heard all the stories and seen the posts on social media about the COVID-19 vaccine. Still, when I had the chance to get the vaccine, I jumped at it. Even though it is just like getting a regular flu shot — that I get each fall — I admit I still had some reservations. I’m not one to typically get nervous, but I could feel the palms start to sweat a bit as I pulled into the hospital, where there was a line of cars all going to the same place I was...

Watching the events at the Capitol last week I, like many, could only cringe. What happened was disgusting, inexcusable and just plain sad. The fallout has been just as sad and while most of the fingers have been pointed at the President and Republicans, there is plenty of blame to go around...

The sky is falling. Much like Chicken Little in the folk story, there are many who think the sky is falling because of the coronavirus. In the last week, I have heard numerous different statements that cause me to wonder if we are seeing two different things...

On Sunday morning, the City of Sikeston woke to the awful news of a shooting in Sikeston that left two young women dead and seven others wounded. The shooting, the latest in a string of violence the area has seen in recent months, compounded by the protests across the country, shines a light on relations between the police and the African American community. In Sikeston, like across the country, that relationship is lacking...

It has been over a week since the death of George Floyd, an unarmed black man who died in Minneapolis after a police officer knelt on his neck for almost nine minutes. Since Floyd’s death, there have been many demonstrations and protests across the country, with some leading to violence, including four St. Louis police officers hit by gunfire during a protest Monday...

It’s time. On Monday at 12:01 a.m. the state of Missouri’s stay-at-home order as well as the Scott County and Sikeston stay-at-home orders will lift, allowing businesses to reopen and residents to go back to work. Although I know many do not, I feel the decision is the right one, even though I do believe we will see an increase in COVID-19 positive cases in the coming weeks...

While the coronavirus pandemic has left many anxious, stressed and counting the days until we get back to some new sense of normalcy, it has also left plenty of time to learn some things. The older I get, the less I want to learn. But this pandemic, as awful as it has been, has allowed me some self discovery...

As the coronavirus continues to creep into our area and impact our everyday lives, we are left looking for a model of how we act and react. Americans have lived through tough times through history but for many alive today, our tough times have been limited. None of us have ever lived through anything like this. We’ve lived through 9/11, we have lived through hurricanes and tornadoes and we have lived through more than one financial crisis. But nothing like this...

Make no mistake; the coronavirus is here. Instead of enjoying the coming of spring and (hopefully) the dry, sunny and warmer days, we are staying indoors and practicing “social distancing,” a term that was foreign to us just weeks ago. Every one of us has already been impacted in some way by the coronavirus. ...

“Don’t forget to spring forward.” “Don’t forget to fall back.” The two most annoying statements I think I hear all year long. It is just a nuisance. When the time changes, I always fumble around trying to figure out how to adjust the clock in my car (and my wife’s), on my microwave, on my oven, only to miss one I won’t find for a couple days. Last time change, my wife didn’t even change her clock, just leaving it for a few months until it changed back...

In the last week I’ve had conversations with several people about the coronavirus with differing opinions. Some don’t want to leave the house because they’re afraid they will contract the virus and possibly die while others weren’t worried at all to one who just laughed and said it was “fake news” brought on by the Democrats to get Trump out of office...

Anyone who has been to Perryville has almost certainly been downtown and visited what is called the Square. It often serves as the center of activity for a block party or race or home brew contest, drawing residents to numerous downtown shops and restaurants...

When I was in the third grade, I wrote an essay on baseball. It was great writing, complete with why I liked baseball and why I was going to be a professional baseball player. I was proud of that essay and was sure I was going to get an A. My teacher, however, didn’t like it quite as much as I did and gave me a B+. ...

On Sunday, I was glued to the television and internet, like many others, as the news of Kobe Bryant dying in a helicopter crash broke. But as the day progressed, I not only found myself sad at the passing of a famous basketball player, his daughter, and seven others but also ashamed at what my profession has become...

Far too often I turn on the television or read news where an animal has been abused. A week doesn’t go by where I don’t see a story about a dogs being dumped with tape around its nose, a dog being starved or cats being killed. The list is long and my stomach turns with every graphic photo I see and horrible story I hear...

Most of us remember our high school proms. We remember the spectacle of formal dresses, the uncomfortable tuxedos (whose idea was the cummerbund, anyway?), the dancing and the overall fun of the night. However, some with special needs never got to experience prom. Now there is an event so they can have that experience called “Night to Shine,” and Sikeston has been fortunate enough to be a part of this for the last three years...

I used to enjoy debating and getting into educated arguments over things like politics, local issues and sports. But times are changing and not for the better. Today, it is almost impossible to have an educational debate on nearly any topic. If you have a dissenting opinion, those with opposing views often get angry and see you as the enemy...

At next month’s Sikeston City Council meeting, council members will vote on whether to allow Sikeston residents to use UTVs on city streets. It’s a growing trend for municipalities to allow things like UTVs and golf carts on city streets but it is one I wish Sikeston would avoid...

Anyone that knows me knows I hate going to the doctor. Even if feeling possible death on the horizon I will often just tough it out and hope it goes away. But as I age I feel I need to take a little better care of myself. So feeling some ear pain a couple months ago I decided it would be smart to visit a local healthcare facility. I was quickly diagnosed with an ear infection and sent on my way with a prescription for ear drops...

On Thursday, Mission Missouri officially launched The Esther House, a 16-bed recovery housing wing for women, filling a much-needed void in the area. For 16 years, Mission Missouri provided recovery housing for men while there were no recovery housing services for women in Sikeston or the immediate area, with the closest being Recycling Grace in Poplar Bluff. And of course since there is a need in the area, places like Recycling Grace have a waiting list and is tough to get into...

Every time I check and look at Monday’s weather I get something different. Rain. No snow. No rain and then snow. No just rain. No just snow. And on and on it goes. I am amazed sometimes at how technology has advanced. We can put a man on the moon. We can type a message on our phone and instantly send it to someone clear across the world. We can take out someone’s organ and replace it with another and yet nobody can actually tell me if it is going to rain or snow or Monday...

In one of the best kept secrets in some time, there will be an election on Tuesday. While voters won’t be electing a president or a state official or even be voting on local city positions there are issues on the ballot for Sikeston and Miner. In Sikeston, voters are being asked whether to allow a use tax on goods bought on the internet. ...

I was once told that it is a privilege to vote and with that privilege comes the responsibility to be educated on the issues I’m voting on. I’ve taken that to heart. So I was interested in the Sikeston R-6 town hall meeting Tuesday night at the high school where school officials discussed a $21-million bond issue that would be used to build a new Lee Hunter School and a new C Building at the high school. Anytime a number like $21-million is thrown around, it’s going to pique my interest...

I hear complaints about young people all the time. People say they are entitled and lazy and the world doesn’t stand a chance. But anyone who was at the Fields of Faith event Wednesday night saw that the world just might be okay. The complaints against youth have been around forever. I can imagine a cave man grunting to his wife when their child rolled their eyes after being asked to pick up sticks for the fire...

Another “Red October” is upon us as the Cardinals once again have many baseball fans glued to their television screens, living and dying with every pitch. When manager Mike Shildt makes a pitching move and it works, he’s dubbed a genius. When a move doesn’t work, he’s dubbed an idiot and fans start thinking about new candidates to take his place...

Leading with grace. That is the motto of Sikeston pastors Kenny King and William Marshall as they merge their two churches to form a new church, Grace Bible Fellowship. The churches, Smith Chapel, a historically black church and Trinity Baptist, a historically white church, voted to merge earlier this month. That is no small thing in this community...

There is nothing worse than being told that a friend or relative has committed suicide. I have experienced this more than once and it leaves you feeling hollow with many different questions. Most people have had a friend or family member or acquaintance they have lost to suicide. According to the Center for Disease Control, suicide was the 10th leading cause of death in 2016, with 45,000 taking their own lives. Not cries for attention, but actual suicide...

There have been a few life-changing moments I have encountered in my lifetime. The first time I worked on a computer, the first time I watched golf on a high-definition television and the first time I tasted coffee ice cream all changed my life forever. I experienced another just this week when I used grocery pickup for the first time...

When fans filed into Sikeston Public Schools Stadium last Friday night, they were expecting to see four high school football teams compete in a jamboree in preparation for the upcoming season. I’m sure very few, if anyone, in attendance feared for their life while attending the jamboree, instead laughing with family and friends and eyeing the field while supporting their teams...

Driving to work the other day I was traveling through a school zone. With the speed limit at 20 miles per hour, I was probably not completely abiding by the speed limit. But what shocked me was the little old lady who blew around me like I was standing still...

It’s that time of year again when Sikeston will take on a look of the old west with people adorning cowboy hats and cowboy boots. The influx of cowboy hats can only mean one thing — the rodeo is in town. Personally I’m not a fan of the sport. The idea of trying to wrestle a calf to the ground or watching someone ride a horse around a bunch of barrels doesn’t excite me. But everyone who lives in Sikeston knows the Sikeston Jaycee Bootheel Rodeo is much more than just a rodeo...

Driving along Main Street the other day, I couldn’t help but notice how nice the street is now. While being forced to stop at a light every 100 yards remains, gone are the potholes, large cracks and rough drive that made driving on Main Street even more aggravating...

It’s never easy saying goodbye, and here at the Standard Democrat we have been saying goodbye quite a bit. At the end of May we said goodbye to our publisher, Mike Jensen. After 48 years, Mike, whose words routinely filled this space I am occupying right now, left the Standard. And Friday, our general manager, Don Culbertson, entered retirement after over 40 years in the newspaper business...

As Californians spent last weekend being shaken and rattled by earthquakes, a lot of us in Southeast Missouri sat up and took notice before going on with our day. Since I’ve been little, and that was a long time ago, I’ve been hearing about the big earthquake that was going to destroy the area. ...

I recently sat in a Sikeston City Council meeting and heard something I never thought I would hear a decade ago: city officials discussing medical marijuana dispensaries. In the November election, Missouri voters overwhelming approved Amendment 2, allowing the use and sale of medical marijuana. ...

As I made my latest trip to the hardware store to pick up wood and nails, I once again had to dodge big puddles in the road and use an umbrella to keep from getting soaked as I walked in and out of the store. I’m on my third umbrella and second set of windshield wipers since the beginning of the year, and it seems as if there isn’t an end in sight when it comes to the rain...

Pop. Boom. Bang. Anyone inside the city limits of Sikeston have heard these noises near the Fourth of July despite the fact there is a ban on selling and shooting fireworks inside the city limits. According to Sikeston Department of Public Safety Director Mike Williams, DPS gets on average 100 calls a year about the illegal shooting of fireworks and many residents don’t even call to complain. Instead they grit their teeth and hope the fireworks don’t turn their house into a ball of flames...

To everyone who still has a father, don’t just wait for Father’s Day to give them a big hug and tell them you love them.

This summer I have tried several times to find a funny comedy at the movies, only to be disappointed each time. I should have just saved my money and gone to a Miner Board of Aldermen meeting for free. After reading month-after-month how the Miner Board struggles to get anything done I thought I would go and take a look for myself at a recent meeting. Needless to say I wasn't disappointed...

I love the weeks where you can just put up the remote control, grab some popcorn and watch as the country overreacts to one situation after another. And with social media it is a non-stop barrage of one overreaction after the other. First we had the Confederate flag craziness. We were all left searching for answers when a 21-year-old white man went to a black church, sat for an hour with them in a prayer meeting before killing nine in hopes of starting a race war...

The other day I was around a group of kids when I heard a teacher say, "Does everyone know criss, cross, applesauce?" I turned to watch because I had no idea what that was. Come to find out it was just to have them sit with their legs crossed. I'm a child of the '80s. ...

I got a text Monday morning from a friend that simply read: "You need to move somewhere safer." Of course, this is after yet another shooting in Sikeston over the weekend. It seems as if every Monday morning I am headlining a story about a shooting and it's a trend that I would rather avoid...

It isn't every day your male co-worker allows another co-worker to do his hair in the office, but then the Standard Democrat isn't your normal office. But this is what happened last week. I know what you are thinking, what man is going to have his "hair did" at the office? Well, we all handle our mid-life crisis or what one called "manopause" differently. ...

Growing up I always seemed to be playing sports and I learned quite a bit. Whether it was how to dribble a basketball with a paper sack on my head or how not to "get mouthy" or I wouldn't play, I took away plenty from my coaches. As I have aged, I have tried to pass on what I learned by coaching, even though I don't have any children. It may take away time from family and friends but I always hope the kids learn something and have some fun...

For the last few years I have embraced the bachelor life. I was responsible for only myself, keeping my house exactly the way I wanted it -- I was master of my own domain. My how things change. A month ago my fiancee and her 18-year-old daughter sold their house and moved in and my bachelor ways disappeared. ...

I see little signs every day that I'm getting older with things like gray hairs, achy muscles and all the AARP mail. But this past weekend on a work trip to Columbia I felt older than I ever have. I should have known it didn't start well when I woke up early the morning on the day I left hacking like I smoked three packs a day for 50 years. ...

Spending the last couple years around my girlfriend and her daughter has been quite the learning experience. The saying is "you can't teach an old dog new tricks," but I have been learning more than a few new tricks. The more I am around women the more I realize that there is a ton of things that I know nothing about. Especially when my girlfriend and her daughter were chatting with my mother recently...

Sometimes office conversations take a turn that nobody sees coming. A name may spark a funny conversation or even a news story that comes through may get some laughs. But sometimes these conversations get way out of control. One such conversation happened last week when a simple story about Bruce Jenner led to a whole nutty conversation that continued for days...

Growing up I always remember looking up to teachers and especially principals. They were role models and for the most part I was never let down. As I have aged, I realize not everyone is as lucky as I was. Not all teachers and principals are the role models we wish them to be...

"I don't need to see a doctor. I'm not sick." (Cough, cough, up comes a lung) As cold and flu season hits full throttle, you will hear more than one man say this. I'm one of those men. There are many reasons why men won't go to the doctor. Some think doctors are just frauds in white coats. ...

'Tis the season for my annual bah humbug Christmas column. Because just like every year, when Labor Day rolls around and I start seeing Christmas ads I start to cringe. Normally this time of year I put on my Scrooge cap and rant on the many things I dislike about Christmas. Having to go into crowded stores with angry shoppers looking for that perfect gift when you have no idea what anyone wants. I should get gift certificates but I can't ever get the price tags off...

As I watched the events unfold last week in Ferguson I couldn't help to just shake my head in disgust. I have shaken my head so much that I think I need to wear a halo for a while. I have to admit that I thought the police officer in Ferguson, Darren Wilson, might get indicted by the grand jury. A police officer shooting an unarmed man to me seemed excessive...

Getting engaged I knew there would be some things I didn't really want to take part in. The picking of flowers, the choosing of invitations, the ceremony (buh dum bum). And then of course the engagement pictures. I'm not a big fan of having my picture taken. After all, there are only so many cameras a person can break. That's why I like to be behind the camera taking the pictures. Unfortunately my future wife wouldn't let me take just her picture to serve as the engagement photos...

I'm not one for doing any kind of yard work. If I had my way, I would concrete my yard and put down AstroTurf. For me the best way to do yard work is to put on a hat and some old clothes and watch as someone else does it. Unfortunately, that can get pricey...

I have heard the saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks," many, many times. I'm not sure that's true because the more I age, the more I find I learn. I, of course, am learning the basics of aging. Number one, the more gray hairs you pull the more that grow back. I also have learned the phrase, "back when I was a kid."...

I just returned from my first trip to see the Gulf of Mexico and I can tell you one thing about the Gulf waters -- they're dangerous. I have visited the Atlantic Ocean on many occasions, splashing around in the salty water without a care in the world. Outside of being chased by a super-aggressive crab with a Napoleon complex, I've never had a problem. But that was the ocean. The Gulf is a different story...

The summer usually involves plenty of days of swimming and lake trips, leaving me with a bronze tan, the kind you see in statues made of Greek gods. Minus the muscles and fictitious physique, of course. Unfortunately this summer, Mother Nature has not cooperated and the number of days out in the sun has been limited. This has left me looking pasty with a trip to the beach coming up in a few weeks. That can mean only one thing -- sunburn on vacation...

Anyone who knows me knows my love for sports. I've been watching them since I can remember and in that time I have come across plenty of violent ones. There's football where a person can get hit and knocked unconscious or even have an appendage snapped in two. ...

It finally happened. Against all of my best efforts I turned 40 yesterday. Growing up I used to think that 40 was over the hill. I used to think that 40-year-olds were know-it-alls who just repeat the same stories over and over about how things were back when they were young. Now I think 40 is over the hill and that 40-year-olds are just know-it-alls who just repeat the same stories over and over...

I have a new arch enemy. A nasty, ugly little fellow with webbed feet and beady eyes that loves to devour my yard. He is commonly called a mole but I refer to him as the devil. I noticed the presence of something in my yard a few weeks ago when I went to mow my grass and saw mole hills all in my yard. ...

I hate getting old but each day I get closer to sitting on my porch, shaking my cane screaming "GET OFF MY LAWN!" I realized I was one step closer the other day when I was driving and looked over and saw a young teen, head buried in her cell phone, passing me on the highway like I was standing still. That was followed by my reaction which sounded something like: "Look at the road and slow down you young whippersnapper!"...

The best thing about taking some vacation time is getting to play some golf. After all, there is nothing like hitting a ball with a crooked stick and chasing it into trees, water, sand and anything else I can find. So last week as part of my vacation I went on a golf outing with a few friends. ...

Sometimes it is funny the different types of discussions that men have as compared to women. It hit me the other night during a large gathering of friends. Less than 10 minutes into night the girls started talking about a crazy television show called "Sex Sent Me to the ER" on the TLC channel...

As I age I am noticing that I am losing my grip on technology among many other things. But today I'm going to stick to technology. Ever since I started trying to find Carmen Sandiego on my first computer experience in middle school, I have been hooked on technology. Whether it was email, the Internet, TiVo, smart phones or apps for those smart phones I have been able to understand and figure them out and wanted the latest and the best...

I used to be a fast-food connoisseur. "McGreasyBurger's has the best fries. They use just enough salt to mask the greasy taste." Fortunately for my colon and sanity I very seldom eat fast food anymore. One would think it was because I was trying to eat healthier. Instead it was because I didn't want to have a stroke in one of the drive-thru lines...

Every since I was little I have been a movie buff. Even in the first grade I was giving movie reviews to classmates. "Can you believe Darff Vader was Luke's daddy?" But as I get older and older and older and... well you get it, I am noticing the parts of movies that make them so far fetched. And I'm not talking about men flying around with capes and tights and wars in space. I know that stuff is real...

When it comes to dancing, I'm like a fish out of water. At least that is what I look like. Especially when I hit the floor to do the worm. That is why I was happy to read a news article about men dancing. Researchers recently used 3D cameras to film men dancing and then asked women to rate them in order to decide what kind of dancing women found most attractive. I'm glad they weren't researching something as trivial as cancer or Alzheimer's and instead focused on such a hard-pressing issue...

I usually use this space to try to make people laugh by making a few sarcastic remarks and funny comments. However, today I want to take a minute to be serious and tell you why I think everyone should vote no on Tuesday's school bond issue. I admire and respect those trying to push the $32.3 million issue through. ...

There are certain things men are just not made to wear. We've all saw the Speedo on the beach experiment fail miserably and no man should wear a cape -- except Superman. But one trend I've seen lately needs to be added to this list -- skinny jeans. Maybe I just haven't paid attention but I have been seeing more and more adults in these skin-tight skinny jeans. I've seen actors, musicians and even real, everyday people in them. And every time I see them all I can think is "they lost a bet."...

I was flipping through channels the other night and I came across a television show about zombies. I don't care for zombie shows so I changed the channel and came across a zombie movie, followed by another zombie movie on another channel. It appears the loonies were right -- the zombie apocalypse is here...

In the past few years I feel as if I have become a grocery buying professional. That's because I am in a grocery store nearly every day, never getting everything I need in one trip. As I have perfected my craft of purchasing groceries, I have developed a set of rules I use that helps shorten my time in the store while giving me the best possible experience...

Like most everyone in southeast Missouri, I am sick and tired of winter. The constant snow, ice and frigid cold has kept me inside much more than I would like, stuck watching "Seinfeld" reruns and reading about a ridiculous school bond issue we will have to vote down in the spring...

As a teenager, I was addicted to wiffle ball. I would play all day until it was too dark to see the ball and even then it was hard to drag me away. So when a friend asked me to play in a wiffle ball tournament last weekend, I was all in. Then the day to play arrived and I realized that it had been over 20 years since I had actually played a true game of wiffle ball. Sure, I had thrown the ball around with co-workers here and there but this was serious business. It was a tournament...

I've never really been a very handy person around the house. I mean it's pretty sad when my dogs run and hide when I try and change a lightbulb. That's why it's scary every time my girlfriend comes to me with a problem. As a man, I feel it is my duty to try and fix what is broken. That's usually when the voice inside my head brings me down to Earth. In the booming, all-powerful voice of James Earl Jones (who does your inner voice sound like?) I am reminded of things like:...

As I age, I continue to be amazed at how much I have to learn about women. My latest lesson, the importance of a purse to a woman. As a man, I see little need for a purse. I carry everything I need in a little money clip. Easy and compact, I never have any problem finding anything that I need. I asked a woman once why they didn't just carry something like a money clip and not worry with a purse...

Like many I watched the George Zimmerman trial with interest. And when it was all said and done, I was left shaking my head. Not for the verdict. In the times we live in no verdict surprises me. Honestly when it comes to trials it is a game and the best lawyers win...

I decided sometime back that for my birthday this year I just wanted to get away. Some friends had a cabin at Kentucky Lake and let me use it so my girlfriend and I loaded up the car and away we went for a weekend. I had never been to Kentucky Lake before so to say I was unprepared is an understatement. All I knew about Kentucky is that I hate their basketball team and that all their citizens are required to take a shower once a year. Don't believe me, look it up...

Apparently Sikeston has a new motto:  "Shhh, be very, very quiet." Just like Elmer Fudd wanted the audience to be quiet in the Bugs Bunny cartoons, "visionaries" within Sikeston want city officials to be quiet. My question: what are they hiding?...

Every time I go to Florida I hate leaving. I always want to bring something back with me -- like the ocean. Unfortunately this year I only brought back sickness. I got back from Florida over two weeks ago and I am still sick. I'm apparently using the hourglass approach to healing thanks to a misdiagnosis from a local "doctor."...

I love Florida. I love everything from the beaches, to the beaches and did I mention the beaches? But not everything on the beach loves me. While in Florida last week for some much needed R&R, my girlfriend, her daughter and I decided to walk the beach late one night...

The super power of babies amaze me. A baby can appear and turn intelligent people into babbling fools. Einstein: "The speed of light in a vacuum is independent of the motion (enter baby) ohhh gagga goo goo!" I think we should use this super power to bring all enemies to their knees. At war with another country, bring babies to the front lines and watch soldiers wait patiently to hold the little ones. Being attacked by zombies, just hold a baby and watch the undead pinch the little guy's cheeks...

Like many, I spent the last week glued to my television and smart phone watching the happenings in Boston. But as one news outlet after another made misstep after misstep, I became increasingly embarrassed to say I was a member of the media, no matter how far removed...

Growing up I remember running race after race on the playground gravel. I raced to impress the girls, settle differences, blow off steam and did I mention to impress girls? I thought my days of seeing boys settle their differences died on the playground gravel but I was wrong...

It is funny that no matter how old and gray I get, I can still learn new things. For example, what the word "full" means. For my entire life I thought "full" meant something that contains as much as possible. I have been told I'm wrong. It happened one night while out to dinner with my girlfriend. As the dinner wound down she still had some food on her plate and offered some to me...

Having pets is sometimes like having children. For me and my pets, it is like having children who are too smart for their own good. Take my dog, Kramer. The little rat terrier could figure out a Rubix's Cube if it had food in it, probably in world record time...

When I was a young, I loved to watch professional wrestling. I even used a wrestling move to get out of being picked on by a bully. I hit her with a trash can. So when I was offered free tickets to watch professional wrestling live, I jumped at it. What could be more entertaining than a bunch of muscled-up guys in tights rolling around in a ring? Maybe I didn't think that through...

Every year I look forward to the Super Bowl. It's one of the best days of the year filled with football, great friends, good food and bad commercials. This year was like every year leading up to Super Bowl Sunday. For two weeks men who look like WWE wrestlers in suits dissect every little aspect of the game while men soak in as much as possible so we can regurgitate it to our friends like it is our own knowledge...

Everyone has their little quirks that makes them unique and in some cases gets them committed. Me, I'm apparently very unique and well on my way to being committed. My girlfriend is learning these quirks rather quickly. The other day we were cleaning my kitchen cabinets and I had to look at each individual item asking questions about each one before going to the next one...

I hate cold weather. Wait. Hate isn't a strong enough word to truly explain how I feel about the cold. I despise the cold weather. Once the temperature drops below 50 degrees it is too cold for me. I would much rather be wearing flip flops, shorts and a T-shirt while sweating to death in the humid Missouri weather...

As I looked in the mirror this morning I had to take a second look just to recognize the person staring back at me. Exactly when did I get old? It seems like just yesterday I was 30 and getting carded to buy an R-rated movie. Now I'm pushing 40 and my license has dust on it because apparently only the nice police officer wants to see it nowadays...

For the last decade or more I have coached youth basketball. The thought of me having any influence over anyone under the age of 18 I'm sure is frightening to most and probably for good reason. First I love to win. If I was playing a game of checkers with a child on their death bed whose last wish was to feel the joys of victory I would try to crush them...

For many years I have been a member of the fraternity Kappa Bah Humbug. The only requirement for joining is to hate Christmas. We have parties with kegs of spiked egg nog and play drinking games where every time somebody says Merry Christmas you drink. Those wearing Christmas sweaters are doomed to be chased down and given a wedgie by frat brothers still sober enough to run. Our mascot is a Grinch...

As a man I am part of an exclusive club where every move you make and every word that comes out of your mouth is scrutinized by fellow club members. As a part of this club we are even issued cards and we men spend our entire life trying to hold on to our "man card."...

Once upon a time, in a bowling alley far, far away, there was a young lad who could make a bowling ball smashing against a group of pins look like art. Or at least I thought that's what I looked like. I was a bowler. I had my own ball and even took a bowling class in college. After all, I liked the tough classes. For my final, I averaged a 200 over three games. I made an A and praise from the "teacher" and glares from my classmates since we were graded on a curve...

After weeks of investigating I have discovered that Friday is actually Black Friday. And if the nearly three pounds of ads in today's paper are any indication, a day that many stores and shoppers will be taking part. I experienced the Black Friday insanity one dark day years ago. ...

I grew up reading comic books and watching super hero movies, dreaming of the day I would finally become a super hero myself. Like Clark Kent I spend my day job as a reporter and even wear glasses while appearing clumsy and goofy a majority of the time. It is a good cover. That's my story and I'm sticking to it...

In my diligent work as a reporter I recently discovered there will be a presidential election in mere weeks. That explains all of the posts I desperately try to ignore on Facebook and Twitter. But as I made my discovery and began investigating this election, I kept thinking "These are the best candidates we can come up with?" Were Beavis and Butthead not available? If only Martin Sheen from "West Wing" was running. But then I realized maybe the best candidate just wasn't running -- me...

Standing outside the doors that open and shut like a horizontal guillotine I took a deep breath and said a prayer before closing my eyes and venturing inside. The chances of me surviving a trip to what I refer to as Hellmart on a Friday night had to be less than 50 percent...

It's tough having a secret. That was made very clear this past weekend when my friend Pate asked me to play in a charity sand volleyball tournament. At first I was reluctant. The last time I had played volleyball was 16 years and five months ago. I can give you hours and minutes, too, because performances like that are talked about for years and remembered in nightmares, err, dreams forever...

One of the best things about being single is there are a lot fewer holidays to worry about having to buy gifts for. And that is great for me because I have to be one of the worst gift givers in history. For example, today would have been my 14th wedding anniversary. ...

A friend looked at me recently and said, "David, you aren't a chick magnet, you're a nut magnet." Maybe she's right. It started at an early age when in kindergarten a girl convinced me to kiss her. Only when our teacher caught us, she said it was my idea. I've been attracted to nuts ever since...

I have an ongoing feud. It's not with neighbors, co-workers or even my cat who enjoys running under my feet just as I go down the stairs. I have a feud with my remote controls. Like many men I have several remote controls that I can't live without. I have one for the cable box, another for the television, yet another for the surround sound/DVD player and one more for the VCR. Yes, I still have a VCR for whenever I want to feel nostalgic...

I used to think that Internet dating was something computer nerds did in their taped-at-the-nose, horn-rimmed glasses. But then I became single and realized there was a whole other world out there I didn't realize. It wasn't that meeting girls in bars wasn't successful. I met plenty of girls in bars but they all seemed to be suffering from the disease. I'm not sure of the name, but it affects both the eyes and their ears. For example, I walk up to a girl and politely say:...

As a teenager I developed a love for the beach. My family would take vacations to visit Florida and the trips to the beach with the water and bikinis gave me reason enough to live until we returned the next summer. Then life happened and for 16 years I never saw the beach unless it was on television. Then I was invited by my brother to go with his family and friends for a week vacation earlier this summer. I was in my swim trunks before I hung up the phone...

There have been a few challenges to being single. None more so than shopping. Gone is that safety net when I could pull out a bright orange shirt, hold it up and ask, "Would I wear this?" I tried and the man walking by just looked at me and went into a five minute monologue about the color of my pants I would be wearing with it. No more talking to strangers...

All my life I have seen girls, and some guys too, freak out at the first sign of a spider. What I failed to learn from their pathetic screaming and flailing of arms is this one thing: spiders are evil. It took a more direct approach from the eight-legged death carriers for me to understand their true level of evil. And it was this evil that has led me into war...

I have loved the water ever since I can remember. I think the first bath I ever took as a baby I did a gainer with three-and-a-half summersaults and came up doing the backstroke. "And Little Naked Baby David scores an 8.5 on the dive, only because too much splash landed on the bathroom floor angering his parents."...

I have never made a toast at a wedding before. Shocking I know as I think I would be perfect for it with my sarcastic wit and obvious humbleness. But today I make my first. My toast came about last week as I received the notice of my divorce being final on Monday. Of course on Friday my ex was remarried. Fortunately the judge used quick drying ink...

I have never been accused of being a handy, fix-it type of person. I know the difference between a Phillips and straight-edged screw driver but only if I use CliffsNotes. But living by yourself requires some do-it-yourself ability. After all, you can't call a repairman every time a screw's loose or a nail needs to be hammered. So I decided that I was going to not ask for help and learn to fix things myself...

A friend once told me that the best thing about marriage was you didn't have to deal with dating. I used to think he was nuts. At least until I started dating again. Now dating ranks right up there with going to the dentist. When you are married, it seems like everyone you run into is single and enjoying the dating life. They all seem happy to tell you stories of their latest conquests and all the fun they are having and even the happiest of married men can't help but be a little bit jealous...

It's funny how life can change in an instant. One moment I am walking into the house to talk about what I wanted for my birthday with my wife and then the next you are reading a note, finding out you are single. You learn real quick what a deer feels like when it sees headlights. And then there is the impact with what is behind those headlights...

I realize cell phones today are complicated. They have a lot of little buttons and gadgets they didn't have a few years ago. But unfortunately some people still haven't figured out how to use them...

I recently made a Labor Day resolution that I would start exercising and eat better, all in an effort to get in better shape. Now that September is nearly over I figured I had better get going on my resolution...

I am not originally from Sikeston or Charleston but in the 12-plus years I have worked at the Standard Democrat I have grown an appreciation of the rivalry between the two schools. Especially in football, where the two teams met for the 125th time just a week and a half ago...

One of my favorite people in baseball is Yogi Berra. I know I never got to see him play but he has given some of the greatest quotes I can remember. Who can't laugh at quotes like: "A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore." "He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious"...

Of all the teams in all the world, he had to be traded to the Cubs. On Sunday, Sikeston's own Blake DeWitt suited up for the Chicago Cubs for the first time and many around town cringed as he walked out onto the field wearing the Cub blue. For some, rooting for the Cubs might be too much to ask regardless of who their second baseman is...

My world has been turned upside down and now I don't know what to do. The other day when I woke up I was positive the sun rose in the east and two plus two equaled four. Now I have no idea what to think. It began when I saw the headline "Fruit Roll-Ups dangerous to your health?" At first I thought it had to be a joke but then I continued to read and was even more disturbed...

A few months ago, my wife switched jobs and during her switch I was asked if I wanted a refugee -- a betta fish. With the only other option being a flush while still alive, I agreed. It is a fish, how much trouble could it be?...

Is it me, or do birthdays seem to come around too often? I think I've been celebrating my 21st birthday for about 15 years now but like clockwork, every 365 days it is here again. It's funny how differently people react to their birthdays. Some people tell the world it is their birthday and want cake, presents and other extravagances while others want to ignore the day and hope nobody notices...

As a child I never liked being force-fed strained carrots or whatever awful creation they made for babies back then. I don't actually remember being force-fed, but I know I don't like it as an adult so I only assume I didn't like it as a child. Maybe that is why I don't care much for soccer. ...

While my wife has a lot of great qualities, common sense is not always one of them. As a matter of fact, I think somewhere along the way she lost her common sense and just has not been able to find it...

Summer has finally arrived and there is nothing like the heat and humidity of Missouri, perfect to head outside for some swimming, golf and, of course, suffocation. It also means dreaded yard sale season. That's right, the time to sell your junk to other people who are looking for junk. Of course every summer my wife collects all our unwanted stuff for a yard sale she has at a friend's house...

How would you like to go back to college and take a course called "Physics of Star Trek?" Well, if you were enrolled in a local university you could. I found this out just the other day when I came across of list of classes my wife is to choose from. She is going back to school to get her four-year degree and she apparently has to take three ridiculous university studies courses. I say ridiculous because they are just a way for the university to get more money...

As I age, I find that I am still learning new things. Unlike an old dog, I find myself performing new tricks all of the time. However, sometimes the things I don't know, can make me look a little ridiculous. That happened recently when my wife and I had game night with some friends. Now I love board games and usually I am very good at them as long as you don't team me with my wife. That is bad board game ju-ju...

As a child I wanted to be many things. I wanted to be a fireman, a baseball player, cowboy and of course, president of the United States. Yes, president, but as with most things, when you grow up you, well, grow up. My dreams of being a baseball player disappeared when I realized I wasn't very good and after I looked in the mirror and saw what I looked like in a cowboy hat, I decided that wasn't for me either...

Sometimes, when my mind goes blank (and I have to admit that is quite often), I have to search headlines to come up with something to write about. So there I was, scouring the news Web sites when I came across this headline, "Iowan ready for prom with gum wrapper dress."...

Baseball has finally arrived. The smell of the grass, hot dogs and beer fill the air and add to that the smell of money, and nothing could be better. That's right, money. You see, this season marks the first step toward my making millions of dollars thanks to my little nephew. The little tyke begins T-ball this week and his march to the billions of dollars that will be headed his way...

I apparently have a disorder I have dubbed Kid Diet. I was never aware of this condition until it was recently brought to my attention by a co-worker. I've never thought of myself as someone with a childish diet. When I'm hungry, I eat and I eat what I think tastes good. Evidently my taste buds rival that of a 5-year-old...

As people line up to take sides on the new health care reform, I can't help but be torn between the two sides. On the one hand it is a little socialist for my taste, but on the other you have my wife. My wife is the perfect example of why people need health care. If it is going to happen to somebody, it will happen to her. Without health insurance we would have been living in cardboard boxes a long time ago...

For the last two months I have been living vampire hours while covering high school basketball games. That left me out of the informational loop so in getting back with the swing of things I decided to read some back issues of our great paper. That's when I saw that our Sikeston Department of Public Safety was getting an inflatable boat...

In these tough economic times, one can't be too careful with their spending. In fact, with newspapers dropping like flies all across the country, I'm starting to think about a second career. The only problem with finding a second career is there isn't much call for a sarcastic, below-average writer. ...

There is a Proverb quote that goes something like: "Pride and poverty don't get along, but often live together." Very poignant stuff and also something that I found to be true this last week. Everything started so innocently as it most often does. I was sitting with a couple of co-workers, typing up track results, when the topic of how fast we could or couldn't run came up. ...

Well, winter has officially arrived in Southeast Missouri, complete with ice and frigid temperatures. But from the looks of things, teen girls have been expecting this weather for quite some time...

Once again, Christmastime is here. People are hanging lights from their houses, singing awful songs about snowmen and going crazy trying to find that perfect present that has been sold out for months. Ahhh, Christmas. I know, I'm the Grinch or a Scrooge or whatever you want to call me. I don't mean to be, but as Christmas gets closer and closer I seem to hate it more and more. But I do try...

"Fantasy football is the devil." It was a simple text message I got from a friend Sunday afternoon that stated so much in five little words. Yes, I am a 'fantasy football geek.' I didn't mean to be, it just sort of happened. What began as signing up for a team on a lark has turned into an obsession and not exactly one I'm all that proud of...

I used to think little kittens were cute, cuddly little things who liked to play with balls of yarn and give you that sweet, innocent little look with their big eyes. But that was before last week when I found out that some kittens can be evil...

There is an epidemic sweeping through the office of the Standard Democrat. While not the Bubonic Plague, it is something that can be just as deadly, especially for me...

It was a nice Saturday night. The house was quiet as my wife and dogs were snuggled in their bed while I was left to enjoy the quiet with my television remote in one hand and a nice, cold frosty beer in my other...

By the time you read this, barring any hanging chads or voter fraud, we will have a new president and the election season will have mercifully come to an end. Personally I hope I don't hear the word "change" again until four years from now and if I get one more phone call from a stupid political group I may have to disconnect my phone. Apparently in Missouri the no call list means absolutely nothing...

Six days. That is all the time left before we must decide which pathetic excuse for a presidential candidate we will vote for. While the days dwindle, I have been asked by several people if I will be endorsing anyone in this column...

Every once and a while you just need to get away for a few days. That was my thinking when I took off with two friends to watch a Kansas City Chiefs game this past weekend...

Did you know that if you don't buckle your seat belt you could get a ticket? I know, it was news to me too. But that is sure what I learned the other day when I drove back from Benton on Interstate 55...

While the stock market falls like a lead balloon and lawmakers bicker back-and-forth about what to do next, I have turned my attention to a couple of other issues that are flying under the radar...

Since I was a little kid I have loved parades. And what's not to like? There are the bands, police cars, fire trucks, pretty girls riding in convertibles, politicians handing out stickers and, of course, getting to see horses poop in public. But the greatest thing about parades is coming away with bags of candy...

My story is like so many others. I was standing there, minding my own business, when I'm told if I need gas I had better go and get some before the price goes any higher. My response, like it is to most things, was "huh?"...

If I had a dollar every time I heard somebody say, "the only reason I get the paper is to read Speakout," I would be a rich man. Not only would I be a rich man, but I probably would have enough money to buy all the newspapers in the Midwest...

I am tired. As a matter of fact, I'm worn out, not to mention in a little bit of withdrawal. Who wouldn't be though? After two weeks of the Olympics, I'm ready for a four-year rest. It was hard not to get hooked on the Olympics with the 3,600 hours of television coverage. I think the only channel I didn't see the Olympics on was Lifetime. Then again, that channel is blocked from my TV since all they want to show is movies about men beating women. Some woman's channel...

I have often been told that I have a warped mind. I'm starting to think I agree although it didn't dawn on me until this last weekend when my wife and I made an innocent trip to the store. First, there was the drive to the store when I saw a shoe on the side of the road. ...

The Sikeston City Council had an interesting meeting last week as officials immersed themselves into the issue of, well, sagging. Never in my life would I have expected a city council to address this issue but these are the times and town in which we live...