Got the skinny on skinny jeans

There are certain things men are just not made to wear. We've all seen the Speedo on the beach experiment fail miserably and no man should wear a cape -- except Superman. But one trend I've seen lately needs to be added to this list -- skinny jeans.

Maybe I just haven't paid attention but I have been seeing more and more adults in these skin-tight skinny jeans. I've seen actors, musicians and even real, everyday people in them. And every time I see them all I can think is "they lost a bet."

If you haven't seen these jeans, consider yourself lucky. Essentially they are skin-tight jeans that squeeze every inch of you from your waist to your ankles. Every inch, if you get my meaning. Some things are just not meant to be seen. And to top it off, many guys wear them tucked into combat boot-style shoes or bulky high tops. But I guess if you think about it, they won't stretch over the top of the shoes.

Now I'm not a fashion guru or anything. My personal style could be described as "hobo casual." I still have jeans and shirts I wore when I was in college. And that wasn't yesterday or even last week for that matter. I once used to wear a tie to work every day because I was told by someone I respected that if you dress seriously, people will take you seriously. That man was wrong and I no longer wear ties -- anywhere. And I wear cargo pants, that make my girlfriend and her daughter cringe.

That said, if I cringe when I see someone wearing something then that is problem. For example, I cringe every time I see a picture of Miley Cyrus. So whenever I see a man in skinny jeans, I cringe and look away. It's like the rule of "don't look directly into the sun."

I was shopping once and came into close contact with skinny jeans. I grabbed a pair off the rack, not paying attention and went to try them on. Keep in mind I don't have legs that look like I squat cars. I would even classify my legs as on the skinny, yet not chicken legs size. However, I put one leg into a pair of skinny jeans and made it to about my knee and began doubting the phrase "we all put our pants on one leg at a time."

It would have taken me an hour just to get those pants on and anything that takes more than a few seconds to slip on is too much trouble for me. There has to be something wrong when your girlfriend can ask to borrow your jeans and they fit her.

I just couldn't believe how tight they were. I wear my jeans loose, maybe even a little baggy. I like the roominess because I'm claustrophobic. But these skinny jeans have to be tough to move around in. Upon further investigation, I found they are a health risk and have been linked to a medical condition called "twisted testicles." Twisted testicles! It's real, look it up.

That alone should be enough to deter men from wearing skinny jeans. Well that and puberty. Me, I will stick to my roomy cargo pants. They may not be stylish, but at least they don't cause any painful medical conditions.