A picture-perfect engagement

Getting engaged I knew there would be some things I didn't really want to take part in. The picking of flowers, the choosing of invitations, the ceremony (buh dum bum). And then of course the engagement pictures.

I'm not a big fan of having my picture taken. After all, there are only so many cameras a person can break. That's why I like to be behind the camera taking the pictures. Unfortunately my future wife wouldn't let me take just her picture to serve as the engagement photos.

"People want to see us happy."

"I'm not happy when I get my picture taken."

"You'll be happy or else."

It's like we've been married for years.

Personally I'm not a big fan of engagement photos. To me they are just two sickeningly happy lovebirds rubbing everyones nose in their happiness. Engagement photos should just be captioned, "you must see our happiness and tell us how great we are."

But now, being on the other end of things, it is my job as a person who will be getting married, to flaunt my happiness for all to see. My only rule was that unlike most men who take engagement photos, I wanted a say in some of the poses.

For instance, under no circumstances was there to be any making of hearts out of hands. Every time I see a photograph of a couple making a heart out of their hands I really want to find the man and after burning his man card, buy him a beer to help console him of his life choices. Only his wife probably wouldn't let him go.

The man who is photographed holding a sign in his photos also wouldn't be allowed to go. We have all seen them. The happy couple holding the signs that read: "He asked/I said yes." Please. For a lot of those couples the signs should read: "She begged/I caved."

And then there are the poses of the man on his knee with the woman, hands covering her mouth, surprised look on her face. That pose wasn't going to happen either. First I didn't get down on my knee to propose. I don't beg (buh dum bum). Second, while I'm sure re-enacting the moment the man proposed is something the couple would like to remember, I don't remember it being in black and white with a blurred out background.

I also had to say no to having her on my back with her arms around my neck. I'm sure she will be on my back enough when we are married (buh dum bum). Actually if she were to get on my back, my weak legs would collapse and I would be walking down the aisle with a walker. Let's be honest, the way my body's aging that's a possibility anyway.

Of course, then there are the kissing pictures. I vetoed those poses as well. Who wants to see another couple making out in pictures? Well, anyone who looks at our engagement photos will see them. I was given an ultimatum that in short was no kisses means no kisses. She plays dirty. Now I know why I'm marrying her.

I must say after enduring a little cold weather -- and me -- the photographer got some great shots. I'm even in some of them. He also got a great shot of the ring -- the star of the show. After all, it costs more than I'm worth.

But now I see the value of getting the engagement photos. First, for people to tell us how happy we look. Second, because it makes my future wife happy, and that makes me happy. And third, and maybe most importantly -- I now have something to pull out when I screw up in the future to show just how happy we are.

"Will you stop leaving the cabinet doors open?!"

"Sure, but look at these pictures of us. Don't we look so happy?"

I can play dirty, too.