Being a full-time caregiver can be difficult

Last week I met an incredible lady who has spent the last few years being a full-time caregiver for her dearly loved husband. As I talked with her, I realized how difficult this time has been.

Although I have never been a full-time caregiver, I wanted to provide some insight and perspective that might help a person in this challenging service of love.

• First, remember you are not alone. The lady mentioned that care giving is a very lonely time where you tend to feel that you are in it alone.

“Approximately 43.5 million caregivers have provided unpaid care to an adult or child in the last 12 months. About 34.2 million Americans have provided unpaid care to an adult age 50 or older in the last 12 months. [National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP.” (2015). Caregiving in the U.S.] To put this in perspective, there are only 32 countries that have larger populations than the number of caregivers in America!

• You have to try to know your limits. Some people will not allow themselves to realize they can’t physically do 24-7 care giving. It is important to decide if you can really do this and if you can’t see if you can get help.

• Don’t die from guilt. Many people have a huge sense of guilt about what they should have done or didn’t do. If you hear one thing hear this: YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE PAST AND YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED!!!!

• Loneliness is one of the marks that the lady shared she has dealt with. If you know someone who is in a caregiving situation please call, visit, and check on them. If you are someone who is lonely, perhaps ask some friends to do this. It is okay to express the need you have for companionship. When a friend is going through this, that is when we need to “friend up” and be there for them.

• Find something to do!!!! I got this idea from her. She said that she worked on deep cleaning her entire house. What is something you can find to work on? Maybe work on learning a new skill learn a language (youtube videos), read an entire series of books, or something else.

• Whys are not possible to answer. As a pastor I never know why someone is going through or even try to answer that. Trying to answer the why questions will drive you crazy.

• Be honest how you feel. It is very emotional to be a caregiver for someone you love as much as the lady I met does for her husband. You will struggle to feel sad, angry, and other intense emotions. Although being honest with your feelings is important, mind your mind. This means work on how you think.

Easier said than done, but don’t let your mind stay in the gutter. If you find yourself feeling suicidal or extremely depressed you must talk to someone. Call 911, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-8255) or the veterans caregiver support line (855-260-3274). 314-652-4100

Finally, realize God did not do this. To many times people make “spiritual” decisions because of pain and blame God. The one who can be with you in your darkest hour is Jesus Christ who suffered on the cross and died for all. He loves you more than you know.

Remember to be saved by Jesus Christ and walk with him during this difficult time. Acts 16:30-3130 And brought them out, and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved?31 And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.

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